end chapter, begin ___?

So here I am, ending another chapter in my life on a one-way flight from Europe to the US. Moving to Boston now after a year in London…. A year filled with ups and downs, lots of travel, and surprising amount of change.

On top of the emotional trauma of leaving London, there is the real, life-altering decision I’ve made to take a leave from my well paying job in the beginning?middle? of a recession to travel the world as a lone vagabond. I’m dreading that conversation with the parents. How do I explain it to them? I am so close of fulfilling a life dream of mine- to backpack around the world. And if I don’t do it now, I don’t think I will ever be able to. I’ve moved up the schedule now. Instead of ‘Escape from Reality 2012’ it will be ‘Escape from Reality 2009’. That doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, but it will suffice. This- this is step one to me sowing my oats, so to speak. Step one before I can start to feel like I can settle down and live something resembling a normal life.

Everyone I’ve talked to is right... timing is crucial. I am already leaving people behind in London. I have no roots, I'm dissatisfied with my job, I don’t have a lease, or a car, or even a cell phone contract. I’ve saved enough money- I am ready. I am excited. And I am terrified.

Scared that it won’t be all that I’ve built it up to be. Scared that I’ll be disappointed. Scared that after I achieve this goal, I won’t know what's next...

Then there is also the logistical nightmare of putting this together. Where do I want to go? Where should I start? What supplies do I bring? How long should I plan for? What is my budget? What about my taxes? What about the million other things I should be doing? And, and…! Am I going to have a job when I get back? How do I explain my illogical timing and overwhelming desire to become a citizen of the world? When am I ever going to do 'normal' things like live in the same city for more than year, not have to lie to men that I'll be absconding in 3 months and ticking, and get a frickin dog?!?

Excited, terrified, and heartbroken. Welcome to 2009, me…